Turnaround

A film producer's office in Los Angeles. A man paces around the room bouncing a small rubber ball against the floor, the walls, and catching it. He hums some contemporary movie theme—maybe "The Wind Beneath My Wings." A second man, PAUL, pokes his head through the door. Hesitates, then:

PAUL Um, excuse me . . .

WIESEL Hey! Just the man I wanted to see. Come in. Come in.

PAUL I'm sorry I'm late.

WIESEL That's okay.

PAUL I had trouble getting off the freeway.

WIESEL Oh?

PAUL I missed the exit.

WIESEL Hey. Not your fault. Those rental cars suck. Next time I'll have Heather come pick you up.

PAUL Oh, I wouldn't want to trouble her like that.

WIESEL She's my assistant, Paul. That's what she does. Assist, you know. (pause) Well. I finally get to meet the man who wrote "Aphrodite's Daughter."

PAUL It's a pleasure to meet you, too, Mr. Wiesel (He pronounces it veeZEL).

WIESEL Wiesel. (He pronounces it WEEzle).

PAUL Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed . . . I just thought, you know, like Elie, and all . . .

WIESEL Uh. You lost me there, Paul.

PAUL Elie Wiesel, the writer.

WIESEL Oh sure, sure. She's with ICM, right?

PAUL Oh, I, uh, don't think . . .

WIESEL Yeah. I met her at a thing up at Gary Busey's once. She did a polish job on Mannequin II , or maybe one of the Chucky flicks. We could get her.

PAUL Um, get her?

WIESEL To collaborate, if you like. I mean, if you two got something goin' on, or whatever.

PAUL Actually, I didn't—

WIESEL Oh, oh no. Of course. Stupid of me. You want to work alone on the first few drafts. We can always bring her in late if we have to. Not that we'll have to. I say, and I truly believe this Paul, one writer can be every bit as good as 25, as long as you've got the right guy. And I think we've got the right guy.

PAUL Well, I'm flattered Mr. Vee . . . Wiesel.

WIESEL Boy when I read that thing. Oh!

PAUL Thank you.

WIESEL MMMM. Mmmm. Mmmm.

PAUL Well . . .

WIESEL It's sad. It's beautiful. It's . . . It's . . . It's got passion, you know? I said to my partner, We gotta have this thing. We gotta have this guy.

PAUL Well, it's always nice to have your work appreciated.

WIESEL Oh it is, it is. You betcha. So. What did you think of our proposal.

PAUL Well, Mr. Wiesel, this is all very new to me, as you can imagine, and . . . and I'm grateful, of course. But I have to admit I have a number of well, questions, you know.

WIESEL You want a cappuccino, or something?

PAUL Um, I—

WIESEL Sure, Sure. Where's my manners. You've been driving these stinkin' freeways in a Taurus or God knows what. You must need something. A Crystal Geyser. Something.

PAUL No, no. I'm fine, really.

WIESEL You're good?

PAUL Yes.

WIESEL Sure?

PAUL Really.

WIESEL Okay. So. Questions.

PAUL Oh . . . Yes, I have to say, when I got the letter from you and Mr. Fare-RAY, it really knocked me for a loop.

WIESEL (pronouncing it like the rodent) Ferret.

PAUL What?

WIESEL Ferret. My partner. He's our money guy. But he's wild about "Aphrodite," too. Don't you worry about that. You were saying.

PAUL Yes. Well, I guess it's fair to say that I never imagined that movie producers would be interested in the kind of writing I do.

WIESEL Oh yeah. Adaptation is the way to go these days. Get something from a real writer. Not another film school snot-nose with stolen screenwriting software and his parents' home computer.

PAUL Well, that certainly wouldn't be me.

WIESEL Damn right, it's not.

PAUL But, . . . forgive me if I'm wrong here, but isn't this a little unusual?

WIESEL What unusual?

PAUL Well, to do a film adaptation of a sonnet.

WIESEL Feature-length adaptation, Paul.

PAUL I just didn't think you guys did that kind of thing with, you know, poetry.

WIESEL Sure, sure. Look at, what, "The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner," right? They turned that into a movie, didn't they.

PAUL I'm not sure. I guess I'm not really up on the movies. WIESEL Sure. Sailing ships. The high seas. Mutiny, all of that.

PAUL You mean Mutiny on the Bounty .

WIESEL Yeah, they changed the title. Whatever.

PAUL I don't think that—

WIESEL Or Shakespeare. He wrote poetry, right? Shakespeare in Love did what, 80 million domestic. Won all those awards.

PAUL Mr. Wiesel, Shakespeare didn't write Shakespeare in Love .

WIESEL Paul, with respect, 'cause I respect you as a great, great writer. I know a piece that's asking for development when I see it. And "Aphrodite's Daughter" is screaming "screenplay" at me.

PAUL It's 14 lines long.

WIESEL Brevity, Paul. Brevity is the soul of . . . something or other. I forget what.

PAUL Wit.

WIESEL Wit, yes. Wit's good. People go to see wit. You know how much that "Mary" movie did with the guy getting bit in the crotch by a dog? 150 million theatrical. And video? Forget about it.

PAUL You want to turn "Aphrodite's Daughter" into There's Something About Mary ?

WIESEL No, no of course not, Paul. Of course not. We're gonna stay true to your take on the thing. I promise you that. But, and I want you to think about this now, I think Cameron would be perfect for the part of the girl.

PAUL Mr. Wiesel, the girl is dead.

WIESEL Ah. See, backstory. Backstory, Paul. We flesh it out. Let a little air into the story, a little sunshine. We see how it all came together for her before, see.

PAUL Before.

WIESEL Yeah.

PAUL Before she commits suicide.

WIESEL Before.

PAUL I don't know, Mr. Wiesel.

WIESEL Look, see. Picture this. We open on Cameron in the—

PAUL (interrupting) You mean Susanna.

WIESEL Right. Susanna, Susanna. She's in the kitchen, right? And she's thinking about it. She's folding things up real neat. The sunlight streams in through the window, All very, I don't know, very Ridley Scott, you know. And she goes to the oven, right. Pulls the door open. Tight shot. Her. The oven. Her. The oven. And BANG. We flash back.

WIESEL Yeah, flash back to the whole story of the love affair with the pilot.

PAUL Pilot?

WIESEL Navy pilot, yeah.

PAUL You mean the graduate student.

WIESEL Let me explain something to you, Paul. The whole scholar thing, people don't pay for that, you know. I don't know why. It makes them feel, what, inferior or something. The military's the thing right now. Spielberg, Mallick, Jerry Bruckheimer. Everbody's shooting that. People want uniforms. The want to see Cameron and this, you know, American, walking hand in hand on the pier in Santa Monica.

PAUL This happens in Bar Harbor.

WIESEL Hey, what. It's the ocean. Again, with respect, Paul. You know what it costs to ship a crew all the way Rhode Island?

PAUL Uh, Maine.

WIESEL Whatever. The point is, we keep the whole thing, the delicate tension of it. And that thing about the wind? We can do that right here. We don't need Rhode Island for that.

PAUL I don't think— (pause) You noticed the wind thing, huh?

WIESEL Oh, the wind is fantastic. Are you kidding me? You can't do this thing without the wind. And anyone who says you can, well, you know, he's blowing smoke.

PAUL I always felt the wind was the fulcrum of the piece.

WIESEL Absolutely. Absolutely the fulcrum. Look, Paul. A have this vision. That's my end. Vision. I want people to feel that same, you know, that same NNNN! that me and Ferret felt when we read "Aphrodite." It's just, adaptation is adaptation, and we bend it a little. And we bring in an audience, an audience a little larger, if you'll forgive me, than what you get in some literary magazine back east.

PAUL I don't know, Mr. Wiesel. I'm just not altogether comfortable with certain parts of it.

WIESEL Okay, Okay. You're not crazy about Cameron.

PAUL No, I—

WIESEL No, you're right, your right. To much sex. Too much balls. How about this, we go in another direction completely. What if I were to say to you, for instance, Meg Ryan?

PAUL No, I'm sure she'd be lovely, but—

WIESEL You want to meet her? I could introduce you. She could go for you, you know. She split with that British guy, right? Chicks dig writers, I don't know what it is with you guys, I swear to Christ, but—

PAUL Mr. Wiesel—

WIESEL I'm serious. I never met one of you guys wasn't knee deep in it.

PAUL Mr. Wiesel, please. Look, your enthusiasm for the poem is, well it's very validating, I guess, if I can use that word. And sure, everyone wants to reach a, you know, broader audience. But I'm just not sure that, in the final analysis, a poem like this can make that, that transition to something like a movie. It is what it is, I think. Just those 14 lines. It's hard to explain. WIESEL Uh-huh. I see, I see.

PAUL It's nothing personal, or anything. I think maybe "Aphrodite" is just not cut out for the big screen.

WIESEL Right, right. I see. I see. This is about the Guild minimum thing, isn't it?

PAUL Mr. Wiesel—

WIESEL Damn that Ferret! I told him we'd insult you by low-balling like that.

PAUL No, Mr. Wiesel. I really wasn't bothered by— WIESEL Oh, Paul, come off it. We both know you're worth more than that. But Ferret's pockets are only so deep. I knew we'd never get a real writer like you for a measly 28 5.

PAUL Twenty-eight—

WIESEL No, you're right, Paul. We were deluding ourselves and I refused to see it. It's like the 12-step freaks say, denial ain't just a river in India.

PAUL Egypt.

WIESEL How's that, Paul?

PAUL Never mind. When you say 28 5, you mean 28, what, thousand?

WIESEL Oh, look, Paul, don't rub our noses in it. So, now you know. We're not exactly the Weinsteins. Hell, I'll tear this contract up, then. It wasn't worth the time it took to draw it up.

PAUL Just a minute, just a minute, Mr. Weisel.

WIESEL Please. Sly.

PAUL Sly?

WIESEL Sylvester, you know, but it's Hollywood, so . . .

PAUL picks up the rubber ball and starts to fiddle with it.

PAUL And you really liked the stuff about the wind?

WIESEL Paul, my hand to God. Goosebumps. Seriously. Chills. PAUL Well, it's just . . . about this pilot.

WIESEL Navy pilot. Un-huh?

PAUL I mean, like I say, I'm not really the expert about these kinds of things. But what if he was, I don't know, kind of like a graduate student? You know, in certain ways.

WIESEL I can't believe it.

PAUL What.

WIESEL It's kismet. It really is. Kismet, Paul. You won't believe it. You want to know what I'm thinking? Even before you walked through that door? I'm thinking about the pilot, and I'm thinking none of this Tom Cruise, Ben Affleck brainless bullshit. I'm thinking smarter, more sensitive—Rick Schroder.

PAUL Ricky. Rick?

WIESEL Ricky? Rick. Ricky?

PAUL Or I don't know, Rafe Fiennes?

WIESEL Ralph. Rafe?

PAUL Rafe. Ralph?

WIESEL He's good.

PAUL Yeah.

WIESEL Not American.

PAUL No.

WIESEL But he does American.

PAUL That was my thought.

WIESEL That's a good thought. That's a good thought, Paul.

WIESEL slips PAUL the contract.

PAUL To be completely honest with you, Sly, I always though the piece might stand a little, I don't know, filling out.

WIESEL A set-up. You set it up a little.

PAUL And you honestly think we could get Meg Ryan?

WIESEL Paul. Guess who I had lunch with yesterday?

PAUL You're kidding. Meg Ryan?

WIESEL Uhn-uhn. Better. Her publicist. And you know what she says to me? She says, "Why can't someone bring Meg something literary." You hear that? Literary.

PAUL She said that?

WIESEL Or I'm not standin' here.

PAUL begins to sign.

PAUL 'Cause I've always thought she could play a suicide.

WIESEL She could, she could. She could do it. But, uh, Paul. About the whole . . . suicide thing . . .

BLACK OUT . . . END